Melissa Goes to the Dog Park

Dog owners have been talking about these things called "dog parks" and I must admit, I have not been curious to visit one.  I envisioned mud, dirt, piles of doggie droppings everywhere, sniffing, drooling, barking, growling, and complete chaos.  Well, yesterday I ventured into a dog park for the first time and it was pretty much exactly what I imagined.   

First things first, I don't have a dog.  My friends do, so I wasn't just some strange creeper with a camera that showed up at the dog park on a random Saturday afternoon.  Although, it is probably much more acceptable to be dog-less at a dog park than child-less at a playground.  People call the cops on that sort of thing.  

These were the dogs I tagged along with:

Wookie

Anna

Joey
(She is a girl, by the way)

I decided from the moment I walked in through the gate, God knew what he was doing when he decided not to make me a dog.  Obviously, if I had been born a dog I would certainly not be a Great Dane or a Rottweiler.  I would be a little Yorkie or Chihuahua with a bow on my head and would go home and pee on the carpet to punish my dumb owner for taking me to a ridiculous dog park.  I would be the type of dog that would enter a situation like this and cry by the gate and growl at any of the other mutts that came near me:    

The canine version of airport security?

"Okay fellas, we got a new arrival.  You know what you need to do.  Assume the position."

When I managed to stop thinking about what life would be like as a dog, I was able to really soak in the experience.  You have to be ready for anything.  At any given moment, a pack of fur balls can come charging and in a matter of seconds you can become a human bowling pin.

Or, something like this could just plop itself down next to you and want you to give it attention.  And, with eyes like that, you best be ready to figure out what it wants - AND FAST!

See.  Even the other dogs know who their superior is.  

The entire dog park experience was remarkably similar to the time I spent doing recess duty at an elementary school.  It was easy to spot the bullies, the attention-deprived, and the socially awkward.  The socially awkward of this group was without a doubt... Wookie.  I don't even think Wookie knows whether he is a dog or a donkey.  If I had my way, Wookie would forever wear a pink tutu and I'd change his name to Grace.  There would be nothing cooler than seeing that dog in a tutu spinning circles to eat his tail and sliding into walls, fences, and doors.

Poor Wookie.  The socially awkward one doesn't even care that he gets "shamed" every ten minutes for pouncing other dogs.  The sickest part is that <<gulp>> the dog is starting to grow on me.

Walk of Shame. 

Lawn Mowing

Okay, so I have accomplished a lot in my 29 years.  Once I got a hang of that potty-training stuff, I was pretty much unstoppable.  There are quite a few things I still have not done in my life, though.  I haven't attended a Broadway play, been to the top of the Eiffel Tower, or rolled in a barrel down Niagra Falls.  One thing that I have managed to avoid for 29 years, however, is mowing a lawn.

Well, I did make one attempt many, many years ago.  Mom, Dad, my sister Shannon, and I frequently helped my great-grandma out with housekeeping and yard work.  One particular day I remember asking Dad if I could try mowing the lawn.  I was about 9 or 10, and thought that it looked pretty easy to cut grass.  Dad gave me the manual mower - the kind without a motor.

Three swipes through the front yard and Dad stopped me.  He said I wasn't doing it right.  When I looked back, it was obvious I was not one of those children that had a thing for straight lines.  There were big patches of grass that were much longer than others.  Defensively, I declared I would NEVER mow another lawn again.  And I didn't.

Until yesterday, that is.

I think that if you saw the backyard, you wouldn't necessarily say it was mowed, though.  You see, I'm house sitting.  And dog sitting.  I thought for sure the yard would mow itself.  Or, the dogs would eat the grass to keep it nice and trim.  Apparently, dogs are not goats and I did not receive the memo.  In the garage was another one of those manual mowers, so went out and got to work.  Kind of.

Have you ever tried to mow a lawn that got a little overgrown?  How about with a manual mower?  Thank my lucky stars the yard is fenced in and no one could see me because I'd have 5,000,000 hits on YouTube by now.

After about a half hour of going over the same spots and pulling grass out of the wheels I gave up.  Then, this morning, I let the dogs out.  When I went to bring them back in, there were two piles of fresh vomit.  The dogs made like goats and tried to eat the grass, but threw it up.

So, I went on Craigslist and found about 15 people looking to mow lawns!!  If there are people out there who are so passionate about cutting grass, who am I to deny them of this?

The Dogs Take a Field Trip

So, the dogs and I went to Wausau last weekend!!  I think it's safe to say that they love car rides.  I also think that if they didn't like country music before the road trip, they are true country bumpkins now!


I was warned that Anna will run if she is let loose.  So, I went up to my dad's on Sunday.  He lives right next door to the bar he and my uncle own and his yard is fenced in.  The dogs were in the backyard and I went into the bar to have lunch with Dad.  Apparently, Anna and Duncan thought that bar food sounded better than whatever they get in their dish.  (I can't say I disagree.)  It was kind of a surprise when the two dogs came into the bar, so I rounded them up and took them back to the backyard and figured out how they escaped.

Dad and I blocked the deck and went back to the bar.  About a half hour later, Dad glanced out the window and said, "Hey!!!  A dog is out!"

And that is when I realized that I am out of shape.

Anna managed to open the gate and took off into no man's land behind Dad's property with me running in a pair of flats right behind her.  It was something out of a sitcom.  I'd get up close to her and she'd run right by me in the opposite direction.  So, I knelt down like I wanted to play and thought she'd come play with me.  (That's how I get her in the house when she won't come in!)  Well, she came right to me, knocked me over, and kept going.

She must have known she won because she stopped at a pine tree and waited for me and we walked back to the yard.

Amazingly, I managed to finish lunch.  I think I slept like a rock that night.


We're back in La Crosse and have returned to our regularly scheduled program.  Kind of...

You see, I realized when we got back last night that the lawn needs to be mowed.  I was kind of hoping it would mow itself, but... just like the literature review not writing itself, no such luck.  I have a confession to make about lawn mowing.  But, I'll save that for another blog entry.  

Dog Sitting: Death of a Bunny

Time of Death: 7:42 PM

The living room is a crime scene right now.  This poor defenseless bunny has been murdered.  One suspect is in custody.  Another one is at large... in the backyard barking at daffodils.  It appears that this might have been a hate crime, but neither one of the suspects are talking.  As you can see, an autopsy has been performed.    

"I didn't do it!  I think it was a cotton overdose!"

Dog Sitting: Day 2 AND FINALS WEEK! UGH!

This is Anna.  Classic head tilt for the camera

I don't know about other college students, but I'm kind of fond of sleeping in on the weekends.  Apparently, Anna & Duncan didn't get the memo.  5:13 AM Duncan is having a howling festival in his kennel and Anna is on top of me trying to make my hand pet her.  It's kind of like I got married and had a kid over night. 

I sat the dogs down this morning and we had a talk about how important sleep is.  I'm pretty sure the talk didn't work, so every time I caught them trying to snooze today, I would yell, "SQUIRREL!!!"  I've heard that demonstrations tend to work better than lectures.  We'll see about that.

Remember how I taught Duncan how to sing?  Not such a good idea because he practiced ALL day.  I need to try and teach him the difference between whining, crying, barking, and singing.  Good thing we have three weeks.  I've also taught Anna to wag her tail.  It's the coolest thing - I just look at her and it starts wagging.   

Poor Duncan has been crabby today.  I think he's holding a grudge.  To think I had the nerve to leave today for less than an hour.  When I came back, they were both at the door ready to tear it down.

Duncan. Is. Crabby!!

If I ever become a therapist, I'm going to discourage people with paranoia from having dogs.  These dogs have followed me around steady since yesterday.  Anywhere I go, they go.  Imagine someone who is paranoid.  It would be a disaster.  

Duncan just crawled in his kennel.  Voluntarily.  He's been doing that off-and-on all day.  He sits in his cage with the door wide open and whines.  If I physically pull him out, he's fine.  It's the craziest thing.

I remember dog sitting one other time for these enormous golden retrievers.  I called them miniature horses.  Completely irrelevant, but I just thought I'd share.








On a completely different note... about a year ago at this time, I started the process of moving.  For some reason, I make the biggest mess right around finals time.  Of course, I have to move again, so not only does the mess have to get cleaned - the mess also has to get packed and move four blocks!

Here's my (lack of) progress:

"Clean up your life!"  - Karen

Look on the bright side - I won't have to deal with finals for a while after this week.  I could even start looking for j-o-b if I wanted to and get on a regular routine.  I could get one of those things... what are they called... a... um... starts with a "P" ... Paycheck!  That's right - a paycheck!

First thing I would do with a paycheck is hire a maid and professional movers.  Then again, I am kind of becoming a professional mover, aren't I?

Adventures in Dog-sitting: Day 1

This is Duncan!  No photo of Anna, yet!  Check back tomorrow!

The Seventh Year Senior is going to the dogs!  I have Anna and Duncan for the next couple of weeks and I am pretty sure we're going to have a splendid time. 

I've spent today teaching Duncan how to sing.  Anna wanted nothing to do with it, but Duncan seemed to enjoy his first day of "voice lessons".

I rented a rated R movie tonight, but decided I'd wait until the dogs were asleep before watching it.  Then I realized that I'm not watching a creepy thriller before bed.  Especially after the dream I've been having about a professor dressed up in drag hanging out at a Chuck E. Cheese-like place.  (If that's not a nightmare, I don't know what is...)  So, I decided that I should probably just stick to some "homework" (also known as "Facebook").

On the agenda for tomorrow: More singing and we're going to work on our table manners.  I might squeeze in a little research.     

On an entirely different side note - if you need something to do for Mom for Mother's Day tomorrow, take her to Hooter's!  The sign says that all mothers get 10 free wings!  Nothing says "THANKS MOM" like ten free wings served to you by a Hooter's girl!