Wednesday, October 23, 2013

"What's going on with you?" Part I

Before I actually write the blog entry about the status of my health, I decided to recap the year I have had using Facebook statuses and posts from this year.  Part II to follow...

TheMelissa McCarthy
You know, I think I did see that white light and God said, "NO, Melissa -- I'm not ready for you, yet." So, TA-DA!!! You guys are still stuck with me. Just wait until I'm back to 100%!! First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.

Like my new bracelet? I am pretty sure it's worth more than the truck. All is well, but this could take 2 weeks to get completely over. All just a few short weeks before I have insurance. Of course!!

Since I'm awake and ran out of "Big Bang Theory" episodes" and blogging isn't going to happen tonight--How 'bout a little Facebook confessional?
(#1) I've had earbuds in for almost an hour and haven't been listening to anything.
(#2) This morning, I was driving and pulled out in front of a cop and I, of course, was not wearing a seatbelt. Did not get pulled over. It was an awkward ten minutes with him riding my tail, though.
(#3) I drove like a Grandma today. I usually do, but today was REALLY bad. I kind of felt like a parade leader and I liked it. 
(#4) As of today, I hate Gatorade.
(#5) When the doc (who did NOT look like any of the docs on Grey's Anatomy, by the way) said the only thing I could do for this was bed rest and fluids, I seriously pictured myself as Natasha from the Avenger's and was (in my mind) going apeshit on his ass!

That's all I got. Oh, Happy New Year, by the way! It is 2013 now!

FLU PROGRESS DAY 11: I no longer feel like I have been run over (repeatedly) by a truck. It's now just a dull annoyance. It actually feels like I walked 12 miles uphill while giving an obese toddler a piggyback ride.

I'd love to stay and Facebook with y'all, but I have to go give Gundersen some money. And then go to work so I can give Gundersen some more money.

Yeah, I blogged it. And, you're welcome. Favorite moment from last night was when the nurse came to get me and yelled back to the other nurse, "Nope - it's not the actress!!!" That still cracked me up this morning while I was driving to work.

Someone explain to me why I cannot live in an apartment complex built for senior citizens? I'm on their sleeping schedule, I drive like I'm elderly, I can operate an alert button, and I know exactly what time and channel Judge Judy, Jeopardy, and Andy Griffith are on. Sounds like I have a good discrimination suit, huh?

I now have enough PTO banked up to take an entire day off.

Wow. I don't work until Friday and I have a pair of yoga pants for everyday until then. And, we are not going to yoga.

Tomorrow night I will be at The Acoustic Cafe in Winona with my amazing friends, David Schipper & Lynn Strohm Konsela. I'm still fighting the bronchitis, but there WILL be music no matter what. :-)
It has been a long four days. And by long I mean I'm tired. And by "tired" I mean exhausted. And by "exhausted" I mean an entire marching band of purple monkeys could walk in front of me and I wouldn't notice.
Oh, Melissa... Melissa...Melissa... congratulations on reaching a new level of stupid. DayQuil - Orange. NyQuil - Blue. How many shots of espresso is it going to take to reverse this?

Just slammed a diet coke and a 4 serving bag of Cheetos. Now, gotta go talk to a patient about eating disorders!

If I die tonight, I hope my laptop dies tonight, too... because I have Googled some weird shit!

☐ Shower
☐ Brush Teeth
☐ File Taxes
✓ Rock the Bed Head
✓ Play on Facebook

This little guy just helped me meet my deductible. I feel a parody of "12 days of Christmas" coming on....

Sat with my phone up to my ear for five minutes while in a daze. Thought I was dialing someone, but finally looked at it and my e-mail was open instead. And then I tried to swipe my debit card through the pen holder at the post office today. TWICE!

Car crap aside, I did (finally) receive some AWESOME news! I do not have skin cancer! That does not mean I am going to quit yelling my public service announcements about sunscreen use out the car window at people tanning on lawns.

10 minutes on WebMD and I'm fairly sure that site is not good for hypochondriacs. It probably creates hypochondriacs, too. Meanwhile, I'm going to go get checked for HIV and a brain tumor. You know...just in case...

I never want to see another bottle or glass of cranberry juice ever again. Unless there's a cherry, some 7-Up, an a splash of something that requires a photo ID...

My eyes were crusted shut this morning and I sound like I've been a pack-a-day smoker for 20 years! It would be in everyone's best interest not to comment on my hair today.

Blood drawn out of an artery! They said it would suck kind of did!

I'm on a pretty short leash and I'm plugged into a wall. When they hook up that 4th IV...I'm probably going to need to be let out! A LOT!! And another lab draw that didn't go so well! Next time, I'm staying at the Hilton! — feeling exhausted.

See... We're cruising here!! While everyone is out there all slacking off...I'm getting things done around here!!!


Figured if I'm going to attempt a 12 hour shift tomorrow, I should start training for it. So, I'm bench pressing. And by bench pressing, I mean I'm at the mall with my butt pressed against the bench watching people.

This probably wasn't the greatest idea I've had.

Ok!! Quit posting all that Miley Cyrus crap! I've already been in the hospital once and the ER twice over the last week. Let's not make this chick any worse!

Oh, my gosh!!! I am alive!!!! It's a miracle!!!

A week ago today I was discharged from the hospital...and ended up back in the ER 5 hours later. Then, I threw up all over Bliss Road! So much of the last two weeks is a complete blur! Hopefully I will get a good report from my doc tomorrow. Some answers may be nice, too!

After an incredibly long break, I'm jumping back into the photography thing tomorrow evening. Then back to work on Thursday! I got this. At least, I hope I do because I'm completely out of sick leave!

It has been 18 days since I've worked a 12 hour shift, worn make up, and made it through an entire day without closing my eyes for at least 15 minutes. (I should note that on a few of those days, I only had my eyes open for 15 minutes!) Day 19 puts me back in the saddle! Giddy UP!!!

Dude! I made it 24 hours without needing to go visit my peeps in the ER! That must be a new record for me! In all seriousness, I would like nothing more than a beer right now!

This whole nightmare started just over a month ago. And, what a LONG month it has been!! Although I still have no answers, I am finally starting to feel a little more like myself! 

It's a big day for Melissa. This is the first day I've put on makeup AND did my hair since the beginning of August.

HEY!!! I've made it 21 days without having to visit the ER. Can we make it to 22?? I've managed to push over 130 ounces of fluids today and burn another 12 hours of sick leave. I'm a little concerned about my lack of strength right now. I'm not sure I'll have enough muscle power to pull my doc's head out of her ass on Tuesday, so I may need back up! 
Shoot me, please! — at Gundersen Health System.

I've lost 15% of Melissa since April! I was thinking Pickerman's for lunch, but now I'm kind of thinking an entire pizza or Olive Garden or something....

Someone guessed my age to be 40. Just one of the many highlights of my day.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've used the line, "well...okay, but I look like crap" this year.

It took a few hours and a lot of sugar...but I'm happy to report I finally have my blood sugar above 60!! I'm shooting for 70 by noon... and a new doctor by next week.

I'm just going to move in here. — at Gundersen Health System.

So, I'm back in the hospital. Trying to make good use of my time. Here's my Christmas card photo! (I put it in black and white because, trust me, color is just nasty!!)

PS--bring me Kit Kats and a Mountain Dew!!! My blood sugar is at 50!!

So, if you have ever had the pleasure of having blood taken from an artery, you know it's not pleasant. So, the girl started on the left arm. Numbed it, stabbed it, and stabbed it again because stab #1 didn't work. She walked the vial over to the counter and the next thing I know, the vial of blood is splattered EVERYWHERE. The wall, the hand sanitizer on the wall, my clothes that were on the counter, and...all over the girl, too. So.. It was my lucky day. I got to go through the entire thing all over again with the right hand. I'll be sure to post photos wi/out bandaids. Later.

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