Tuesday, November 30, 2010

How Senioritis Does Christmas

First things first... every case of senioritis needs pajamas.  Hopefully my fellow college failures did not miss out on the Cyber Monday deals on some of these hot nighties.

Before the super duper senior can become nice and cozy in the pajamas that won't be removed for a month, the recliner needs to be positioned perfectly.  It takes someone with at least seven years of college to get this right.  The recliner needs to be set in line with the television where there will be no chance of the slightest glare.  In addition, there must be a wall outlet within reach so the laptop charger can be plugged in.  An end table should be placed on the opposite side of the footrest lever.  This is so that you aren't constantly hitting the table when you're adjusting the footrest.  There should always be coffee or hot chocolate, soda, water, and snacks on or around the table.  This is where younger brothers or sisters come in handy.  They make great end table re-stockers.

Once the recliner is perfectly set, you're going to need a blanket/s.  My blanket of choice is, of course, black.  It's not fleece - it's softer.  Almost kind of furry.  I bought it on clearance for $5 and was the best purchase of my life.  Why I didn't buy twenty of them, I don't know.  I'm still kicking myself for that one.

Once you have your recliner set, your end table stocked, and your blanket, you're ALMOST ready to assume the sit-on-your-a&$-and-do-nothing position.

Before you can get comfortable, there are some general guidelines you need to follow:
  • Always keep a drool rag nearby.  
  • Only leave the recliner for the following reasons:
    • Go to the bathroom
    • Take a shower (at least every four days if there are other people in the house.  If not, every six is fine.)
    • To answer the door (for the pizza delivery guy)
    • An extreme emergency such as:
      • You ran out of snacks/soda/coffee and no siblings will come when you call, yell, or scream
      • Publisher's Clearing House shows up
      • The Christmas tree is on fire
    • Meeting up with friends who are in town for the holidays.  
  • Do not fight the urge to nap.
  • Do not check school e-mail.  
  • Do not think twice about putting in Home Alone for the 300th time.
  • Do not feel guilty about eating all of the cut out cookies - even if you ate them before they were cut out.

You are now ready to enjoy your senioritis!!!

Any questions?

Look for the blog entry coming in January entitled, "HOW DO I GET THIS RECLINER OFF MY BUTT??"

No comments:

Post a Comment