Thursday, January 27, 2011

Senioritis Analysis

"If you can't bedazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit."

Senioritis: Let's begin by breaking the word down.  Sen makes up the first three letters of the word Senior.  It is fun to pronounce it Sven instead, isn't it?  Ior makes up the last three letters of the word senior and amazingly sounds like Eeyore and reminds me of Winnie the PoohItis is a suffix that, in medical terminology, means inflammation.  To clarify, Eeyore is not experiencing inflammation because Ior and Eeyore are not the same thing and I wish you would pay attention, dammit.  We are also not talking about Sven Eeyore Itis because that's entirely different from Senioritis, which is the condition from which many suffer that we are focusing on right now.  

Common Co-occurring Disorders: First, I probably need to fill you in on what a co-occurring disorder is.  To define what a co-occurring disorder is as simply as possible, I'll put it this way:  It's when instead of just being up shit crick, you're up shit crick with an anchor instead of a paddle.  Think of it this way: You're sitting in your canoe floating along on dung and realize that you grabbed a ginormous anchor and left the paddle back at your moped somewhere on shore.  You're not just screwed, you're royally ... nevermind.

(My professors typically don't like me making up these ways to think about things and encourage me to stick with the examples from the book.  So, if you need something for a narrower mind, having a substance abuse with a mental illness is an example.  Kind of like the 5,000 calorie burgers at Burger King - you buy one, you get one free.)

Just a few common disorders that occur with senioritis include:
  • Chronic Yawning Syndrome 
  • CRSD (Can't Remember Shit Disease)
  • Spontaneous Eye Crossing Syndrome
Biological Implications of Senioritis:  Everyone needs to know the seriousness of senioritis from a biological perspective.  Senioritis, as mentioned earlier, refers to an inflammation.  This occurs in numerous places within the body.  The swelling can occur in all of the tissues that make up your motivation pathway until it is no longer able to function and you're left on your couch, drooling, watching Nancy Grace because you can't even move to change the channel.  That is in extreme cases.  The constant class skipping can cause soreness in the knees and joints, so good shoes are essential.  Auditory processing functions at a much slower rate and patients often use words such as, "Huh" and "What".

Psychological Implications of Senioritis:  All you need to know about this is, once again, the word breakdown:  It's only logical to go psycho if you have senioritis.

Social Implications of Senioritis: Since homework, studying, and class often are of little importance to senioritis suffers, this can be a tremendous benefit to socialization.  Patients have more time to party like rock stars with the undesirables from the freshmen classes who will become future dropouts and never even experience senioritis.

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