Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Future of America

The future of America has ARRIVED!!!!! 

Sarah Palin recently announced that she has 'fire in her belly'.  That cannot be a good thing and I highly recommend she take an extended leave of absence from politics to clear that up.  I think her neighbors in Russia would take good care of her. 

In the meantime, America is about to lose Oprah, tornadoes have swept across the country, the new bachelorette gets her heartbroken early in the game, soap operas are going off the air, Lance Armstrong is accused of being one of those medically-enhanced athletes, gas prices are still keeping America driving instead of biking because we can't risk declining trends in obesity, and the only glimmer of hope we can cling to is that THE PACKERS ARE STILL THE SUPERBOWL CHAMPS!!!!

But don't worry.  With everything going on, SELF magazine still has all of the answers for making sure you have that you are bikini-ready by summer, while PEOPLE has all you don't need to know on the recent royal wedding. 

Have no fear, America!!  Melissa is the future of the country.  I would like to announce that I will be running for president in 2020.  I was planning on running for 2012; however, I am not eligible until I am 35.  Since I have some time, I think the future of America is going to watch some more episodes of Scrubs and think of someone I would want to play me on Saturday Night Live.


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