Monday, October 4, 2010

Fan Mail

What are your best excuses for not being in class?
-Bruce from Alabama 

Hi Bruce,
I'm to the point where I don't need to tell the professors anything.  They know how serious my senioritis is and that I need plenty of play time to ease the symptoms.  Back in the day, these were some of my favorite excuses:
  • Bloody nose  (actually, I was always getting bloody noses, so this one wasn't really a lie)
  • The typical illnesses 
    • Pink Eye
    • Strep
    • Ebola 
  • Ingrown toenail 
  • The Typical Mechanical Problems
    • Flat Tire
    • Out of Gas
    • Faulty Transmission 
    • Fell off the mechanical bull and have a concussion 
  • The REALLY Creative Excuses
    • "I got this phone call saying that my aunt died and was on the phone for a half hour sobbing before I realized it was it was the exterminator with the Chinese accent calling to tell me that all of the ants were dead."
    • "I was praying." 
    • "I went to donate blood and it took longer than I thought."  (How can they hold it against you?  You were saving a life!)
    • "I woke up with diarrhea of the mouth and decided it was best I stay away from a lecture hall."
    • Temporary agoraphobia 
The best thing to do is be creative when creating your excuses.  Here is my list of overused excuses that you should avoid:
  • "I was sick."  - You and everyone else.  If you're going to use it - you must elaborate.  Professors really do want to know all about your ailments - no matter how gross and disgusting they may be.
  • "I overslept."  - Seriously?  That is the lamest one in the book!  
  • "I was hungover."  - Don't use this one.  You'll get no sympathy because you didn't ask your professor to party with you.
I hope this helps you out, Bruce!

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