Thursday, June 16, 2011

Unmedicated Blogging

I remember taking Biology in high school and having to dissect a frog.  We pulled our "dead" frog out of a pile and pinned it to the dissection tray.  As soon as we started to make the incision, the frog leaped off the tray and sent my partner and me screaming.  The teacher picked up the frog by the legs and whacked his head on the counter.  We were excused from the dissection and had to write a paper instead.  That isn't really what happened here, but it would be funny if it had.  

Anyway, here's me:

Sixteen Hours Post-Injury

Today 5:03 AM

And when asked how this happened, here are some possibilities I could tell people:

  1. I was yodeling so loud that I shattered glass and a piece came and sliced me wide open!
  2. Bar fight.  I won and took off on a stolen motorcycle.
  3. Had a motorcycle accident.
  4.  I picked up a piece of barbed wire and thought it was licorice!   Note to self: Get Glasses Fixed!
  5. I was trying to walk, text, and chew gum at the same time.
  6. I stabbed myself to take the attention off of my acne.
  7. I wanted to look like Goldie Hawn, so I got lip injections off of the black market.  Never again.
  8. I opened up the tailgate of the truck when the naked Asian guy from "The Hangover" jumped out and pounded me with a crowbar!
  9. It was an unfortunate mishap at the petting zoo.  Why was there a pit bull in the petting zoo, anyway?
  10. I had a run-in with security at a Justin Bieber concert.  

I think I will just stick with the truth, though.  I was bobbing for apples and someone dressed a piranha up like Granny Smith.

Anyway, I think having senioritis prepared me quite well for something like this.  I'm used laying around doing nothing and I'm actually pretty good at it.  I'm also really good at napping, even though it never used to be something I enjoyed.  Now, all I have to do is pretend I'm in a lecture, and I'm out like a bear in winter!

Now, about my future as a model. . . well, we'll talk about that later.  Right now, I need to figure out how to blow my nose without busting my lip open.  I think I should make a video and if it's a success, I'll put it on YouTube.  Okay, maybe not.

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