Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sample Cover Letter - Oprah

Still haven't heard from Steve Jobs, so I'm moving on to greater endeavors and new tactics.  In a dog-eat-dog job market, it's time to get creative with your cover letters.  Here is what I have come up with:

Dear Oprah,

Per your request, I have evaluated your Oprah Winfrey Network, O Magazine, and the website.  You are right, you will benefit greatly from my expertise and it would be a pleasure to have you as part of my team.  Unfortunately, at this time I am not hiring; however, your resume will be kept on file for six months.  I tell everyone that so they don't bother me for six months. 


Melissa K. McCarthy


Dear Oprah,

In regards to the last letter that was sent out, it was a mistake.  We told the intern to send out the rejection letter to another Oprah Winfrey; however, congratulations and welcome aboard!  I bet it's been a while since you have received a rejection letter.  I do hope it put your ego in check.

Revamping this network you have is going to a challenge, but together, I think we will be able to make it a smashing success.  Here are some of the proposals all of us at McCarthy Enterprises have come up with:
  • Merging our names together: Oprah Winfrey Network & McCarthy Enterprises = OWN ME  Absolutely brilliant! 
  • The royal wedding was not really an invitation for Sarah/Fergie to emerge from wherever she's been.  The show is not a total loss.  Since it is called Finding Sarah, we have come up with an idea of hiding Sarah in various places in Kentucky and sending teams out with clues to find her.  Kind of Amazing Race meets The Bachelorette because all the contestants are going to be men with roses.  Also, Sarah isn't going to know any of this.
  • Time to ditch the reruns of the old show.  It's done.  It's gone.  It's time to move on.  
  • We are going to really soar with this "Living Your Best Life" idea.  Not, living Oprah's best life.  But, the people watching OWN ME.  I think the best way to help people live their best lives is to give them some of your money.  Maybe even some keys to your house.  (Honestly, you do NOT need a house that big!)   

On a side note, I appreciate the complimentary issue of O magazine; however, I do not wish to subscribe.  You can quit sending me the bill for the subscription.

Looking forward to working with you,

Melissa McCarthy

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