Moving

Melissa's moving?  What?  Really?

Yes.  I move about as often as Lindsay Lohan appears in court.  I moved to La Crosse in 2006.  Since then, I have moved from 6th street to Cass Street, to Cameron Avenue, to Main Street, to Wausau, back to La Crosse to 19th Street, and now back to Cass Street.  Making my rounds on the south side.  I should be an expert on moving, huh?

Here are some tips from a moving expert:

•  Screw moving boxes.  What you do is get a few big rubbermaid totes.  Fill them up, take them to the new place, dump them all over the floor, and then go back for more crap.  You can organize later.

•  Don't hire a moving crew.  Moving crews are for sissies!  Besides, when you have people working with you, you can't plop your hinder (yes, I call the rear-end a hinder) down whenever you want and chug a soda, take a nap, or stare off into space and think to yourself, "Why the Hell am I doing this by myself?"  

•  Having problems moving that mattress and box spring up the narrowest and steepest flight of stairs you have ever seen in your life?  SUCK IT UP!!!  The faster you get it to the top, the faster you can crash on it.

•  As tempting as it may be to go out and get a case of beer, or meet a friend for a pina colada, only do so when you are COMPLETELY done hauling the big stuff, the fragile stuff, and basically everything.  

•  Embrace distractions.  Moving is hard work and if staring at the ceiling fan and following it spin makes you happy, for crying out loud, stare at it!  Drool if you have to.  

•  Eat - you'll need the energy.  Just don't eat to the point where you have to unbotton the top button on your pants.  If it gets to that point, moving is going to be uncomfortable.  Elastic waistbands help.

•  Drink lots of water.  Not to stay hydrated, but to make it necessary to take more potty breaks.

•  Don't be afraid to donate stuff to Goodwill, The Salvation Army, or the curb.  

• If you happen to be dating someone at the time you're moving - if he's sleeping on the couch while you tiptoe around with heavy totes so you don't wake him up... re-evaluate the situation.

•  Last, but not least, always look at the apartment you're renting before you sign on for a year!